My thoughts and ramblings on turning 30...

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Today is Sunday, June 1, 2014. I am turning 30 in 29 days. I turn 30 on June 30. Therefore, it is my golden birthday. I have heard so many people my age say they freak out about turning 30 without being married or having children. I do not wish to have children, as I am almost confident it would be too much of a strain on my body. My body is rather lethargic thanks to my Cerebral Palsy anyway ordinarily, so I really cannot see myself having children. I am single and independent and have been for 7 years now. My feelings about marriage are rather neutral, as finding a man would be a good thing, but I also am the type that refuses to settle. I want the best man for me, and if God forbid, there is not one out there for me, that's OK, too. I am choosing not to freak out about turning 30 without the atypical and aforementioned portions of my life. I am turning 30. I have been alive for nearly three decades. That is a wonderful and monumental feeling. There was a time in my life where I felt fortunate to even make it to two decades. I hated myself so much and had so much disdain for my own character. I had people around me who would do anything in their power to bring me down just to feel good about themselves. It is really quite sad and disheartening when you think about what others will do to make themselves feel and look better at your expense. I have changed and evolved so much since then; kind of goes along with the moth to a butterfly reference. Self-confidence makes a world of difference, but it is how you choose to portray yourself that molds you into the person you let others see. Do not get me wrong or misunderstand me, there are still times when I feel my self-doubt creeping in; when the past's scars are there to reek havoc. The past comes and goes, but the scars they remain. No matter how hard I may try to push them out of my vision, they always decide to pop up and reappear and perhaps serve as a reminder that the devil himself exists. However, I am so confident and so comfortable in my own skin now that I am able to let them pass without much of a fuss. Sure, they upset me; they make me cry until I can no longer see nor breathe, but the difference here is my confidence. I am so proud of myself for how far I have come. I could pat myself on the back. I could keep praising myself until the sun went down, but the fact of the matter is, it is not merely all about me. I have a wonderful family who loves me unconditionally, and an even better support system in some of the best friends a girl could ever ask for. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has seen me through my horrible struggles and the best ones. I would not be the woman I am today without all of you, and I am incredibly excited to begin this new decade in my life!! I cannot wait to see what it brings as far as writing goes as well as personal development! Life is tough, and it will hurt you, but it is up to you to make the rest of the ride an enjoyable and exciting experience!!!

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